Trauma and Grief
Grief Has No Timeline
Why grief rarely follows a schedule, how it can show up months or years later, and when talking with someone may help.
No deadline for missing someone
People sometimes ask how long grief should last, as if there were a correct number of months. I do not believe there is one. Loss can feel sharp for a long time, then quiet, then sharp again on a birthday or in a grocery aisle. If you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988, or call 911.
Grief is not only about death
You can grieve a relationship, a pregnancy, a career you planned, your health or a version of your family that never formed. These losses are sometimes overlooked by others, which can make them lonelier. Naming what you lost is often the first step toward giving it room.
The stage model is a loose map
Many people learned grief as a sequence of stages. In practice, feelings tend to arrive out of order and repeat. Anger may follow acceptance; relief may sit next to sorrow. I treat whatever shows up as information about your relationship with what you lost, not as a sign of doing grief wrong.
Carrying love and daily life together
Returning to work, laughing at a show or making plans does not mean you have moved on. Grief and ordinary life often run side by side. Some clients find comfort in small rituals, like cooking a recipe or keeping a voice message, that keep a connection present.
When therapy can help
Grief and loss therapy can help when sorrow makes basic routines hard for a long stretch, when guilt keeps replaying, or when family members grieve so differently that conflict grows. You do not need a particular reason or anniversary to reach out. Wanting a place to talk is enough.
How I work with this
I completed The Ultimate Grief Treatment Toolbox training and draw on psychodynamic and mindfulness-based approaches. We might talk about the person you lost, the circumstances of the loss, or the life you are rebuilding now. When a family is grieving together, family therapy can give each person space to be heard.
Questions About This Topic
Is it unusual to feel grief years later?+
It is very common. Milestones, seasons and new losses can stir older grief, and that response deserves attention rather than judgment.
Should I be over it by now?+
I would set that question aside. Grief changes shape over time; the goal is not to stop caring but to find a way to carry the loss.
Can I come to therapy for a loss that was not a death?+
Yes. Breakups, estrangement, infertility and career losses are all real grief, and I take them seriously.